


If Only We Had Longer Than This Moment

by BinarySunsetLover15



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, First Kiss, Force Bond (Star Wars), Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:21:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23789260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BinarySunsetLover15/pseuds/BinarySunsetLover15
Summary: In the moments after Crait, Rey finally lets her mind have a moment of calm and finds herself still wishing things has ended up different. Ben comes to her one more time and for one minute they promise to forget the war. They pretend that they are in another world, in another life. One where they weren’t at opposite sides of a war. One where they could have a more than just this moment to be together.
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 7
Kudos: 33





	If Only We Had Longer Than This Moment

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hi everyone, this is my first time writing for a fandom so please be gentle. I really loved the Last Jedi and everything that Rian did with the story. When TROS came out I found myself disappointed, but I am working through my emotions even though I don’t think I’ll ever get over Ben’s death. 
> 
> This scene takes place after the battle of Crait. Just a moment of quiet that Rey and Ben would set aside their anger to take a moment to wonder what would’ve happened if they chose to be with each other. This was written as a One-shot, but I also have ideas to expand it if anyone is interested. 
> 
> If you like that sort of thing the song I had in my head when writing this was “Somewhere” from West Side Story.

**_My mind knows_ **

**_I cannot have you_ **

**_But that doesn’t stop it_ **

**_From dreaming_ **

**_Of all the ways_ **

**_That I could._ **

**_-S.L Gray_ **

****

As the remaining members of the Resistance settle in for their journey into the unknown, Rey looks for a corner to be alone and have a moment of silence. The excitement of seeing everyone again was overwhelming. Too much interaction for someone who had spent years with no one to talk to.

Escaping the main compartment, she passes through the halls of the Falcon, seeing the faces of the Resistance. She sees Finn looking after Rose and Poe catching up with BB-8. She passes Leia, catching her eyes. _His eyes._ She presses on through the hallway, her hand running against the wall as if she might fall without the contact.

She finally stumbles into the circuitry bay of the Falcon and closes the door behind her. Sitting on the ground, back against the pipes, she finds herself finally able to exhale the shaky breath she didn’t know she was holding in.

She has felt more emotions in the last 24 hours, then in her whole life.

_Fear_ of the First Order

_Concern_ of her friends at the Resistance

_Disappointment_ when Luke wasn’t who she thought he was

_Relief_ after reuniting with Finn and Leia

_Hope_ when Ben killed Snoke… _Hope_ that was quickly extinguished.

Tears prickle her eyes as she thinks of him. The first person in the galaxy who had finally understood her and looked at her as if she was something, someone.

_“You come from nothing, you’re nothing”_ those words tear her apart. Her face falls between her legs; arms braced on her knees. She was again, not good enough. First her parents, then Luke, now Ben. With him, she had finally felt as though she knew her place, but now she felt uncertain again.

_“But not to me”_ Rey clung to those words. She knew she shouldn’t, that she should want to forget him, his dark piercing eyes looking into hers, the rough, yet comforting sensation of having his hand in hers, the softness of his lips as he spoke her name…..

Rey felt the tears finally fall, resuming their place on her cheeks where they had fallen in the throne room.

She thinks of her vision. The one she thought they had shared. One of a peaceful time, her head on his shoulder, his arm wrapped around her as they looked across a vast ocean from their place on a ledge. She hadn’t felt peace like that in her entire life. Now she felt as though her peaceful dream was simply that. A dream, something unattainable. A happy life with him was what she saw but now she couldn’t see how that was possible to find. They were again on opposite sides of the war.

Her tears began to fall harder, her body shaking violently.

She thinks of the throne room. She should’ve tried to reason with him further, maybe they could’ve come to some other agreement. But she was blinded by the safety of her friends. Him by his quest to let the past die. Rey didn’t think that he was a part of her past that she could let go of, even if she should at this point. She knew that in the future they would be destined to meet again. They would be forced to fight; one would have to kill the other. She knew in that moment that when it came down to it, she wouldn’t be able to kill him.

Her throat constricted, feeling the invisible smoke in the room making it hard to breath. She felt as though the weight of an unknown force was pressing down on her. She couldn’t think of anything but how sad and hopeless she felt in that moment, she wished she was somewhere else, on an island with a man who loved her, only wanted her, not the entire galaxy.

She tried to calm herself with the force, but it felt wrong. Now that she was alone, her connection to the force felt distant and cold. It only reminded her of him. She cried harder, squeezing her eyes shut trying to keep the tears in. Biting into her arm to keep her sobs quiet so that the others just outside the door couldn’t hear her.

“Rey”

She froze. Rey knew he was here. She had been so absorbed in her own sadness that she hadn’t felt the familiar hum of the bond connecting them.

Rey slowly lifted her eyes. She met his stare and ran her gaze over his face. Concern glazed over his features. He lifted a gloved hand toward her face to reach out to her.

She instinctively flinched back, pressing herself further into the pipes on the wall in the closet. The room felt somehow smaller now, his presence taking up most of it. Rey knew she should feel uneasy, but with him here, she still felt more comfort than she had since coming back aboard the Falcon.

The man in front of her sighed, retracting his hand and rolling back on his feet, further away from her. They stayed quiet for a few minutes just soaking themselves in each other’s company. Even though they opposed each other in this moment they still found comfort in each other.

He opened his eyes again but kept them trained on her feet. He had obviously had time to calm down since the battle, his voice neutral.

She turned her face so that she was facing the pipes, training her sight on the welding marks that littered them.  
  


“Rey” he tried again.

“Don’t” Rey said back, squeezing her eyes shut as tears threatened to appear again. It pained her to say anything. Their betrayal of each other still pressed on her heart.

He sighed, removing his gloves and cape placing them on the ground. Leaning against the wall across from her. The room was so small that they were still only less than a foot away.

“Why?” Rey spoke. Her mouth betraying her mind. She knows she shouldn’t trust herself to speak to him, but she needed answers.

“Why wasn’t I enough” She said. Tears flowing freely down her cheeks. Still refusing to look at him, she stared at the ceiling.

Rey could feel his eyes on her. But she refused to lower her gaze

“Rey….” He started before taking a breath. “It wasn’t you who wasn’t enough”

_“it was me”_ remained unspoken but still hung heavy in the air.

She finally relented and met his eyes. He looked defeated. Like her, emotionally drained. Like her, he didn’t want to fight.

“You saw when we touched hands” she spoke. “I didn’t need you to be perfect or completely in the light, I just needed you…. as you were...as you are.”

He broke her gaze, running his bare hand through his hair. Rey’s eyes followed the movement.

“We could still be together, it isn’t too late” Rey said, hope threatening to spill into her words.

“Ben” she whispered quietly. The name she refused to speak finally ghosted her lips.

“You know that we can’t” he replied. “We made our choices in the throne room.” His tone sounded uncertain, like he was lying to himself.

Rey winces, thinking back to that memory again. She sighed. They both knew it was true. The mistakes they had both made sealing their fates in this war.

Rey let out a quiet, breathy sob. The thick air of the small room pressing down on her again.

Ben felt her pain; it was his own. He got to his feet shuffling over to her and slowly sliding down the wall until he was sitting next to her. Shoulders barely brushing each other. He couldn’t be apart from her anymore.

Rey’s heart began to quicken having him so close. _Her enemy._

She knew that was what he was, but she couldn’t bring herself to think of him that way. She decided that they would have enough time in their lives to fight. She wanted just one moment of peace with him. Realizing she may never get one again.

Slowly she brought her head down to lean on his shoulder. He leaned his head on hers. Both of them exhaling at the action.

They remained there, silent for a few moments. Both wishing for a different life. One where they didn’t meet in the war. One where they were free to be together and build a life.

There, in the small closet on his father’s ship, the world melted away. They allowed themselves to have this moment. Knowing that when it was over they would have to go back to opposite sides of a war neither of them wanted to fight anymore.

Rey felt his arm snake around her waist, pressing in between her back and the wall. He pulled her closer. She reached out and took his free hand with hers. Skin pressed against skin.

The force hummed gently, once again filling her with content and belonging. This is how it was supposed to be all along. Both of their hearts ached. Why did the world feel the need to separate them if this felt so right?

“You’re trembling” Ben spoke softly. He knew why. This moment couldn’t last forever, soon they would have to part. Be pulled from their thoughts of a life they probably never would be able to have with each other.

Rey let out a shallow breath, trying to calm herself. “Just…. Be with me….for this moment”. Leaning further into him, she pressed her forehead to his. They remained there, holding onto each other for as long as they could.

In this moment, they weren’t the Supreme Leader and the Last Jedi. They were simply Rey and Ben. Falling into one another, they were consumed with each other. They couldn’t feel where she ended, and he began.

Opening her eyes, she allowed herself to fully take him in. His soft eyelashes fluttering against his skin, the collection of freckles and moles littering his face. He looked so peaceful. She wished she could wake up every morning to this sight, memorizing each aspect of his face.

She reached her arm to lean on his shoulder, allowing herself to run her hand through his hair, as she had wanted to since she first saw him. Her hand moved to trace his scar. Her mark on him. Following her hand down his face, it came to rest on his chest.

The trance was broken by movement outside the door. Their moment of peace broken by the sounds of war.

Their eyes met. Rey knew this would be the last time they could have a moment like this for a long time, maybe forever. Ben seemed to share that same thought.

Slowly he leaned closer and placed his lips tentatively on hers. She immediately pressed further into him pouring every forbidden emotion into the kiss. Showing him her wishes of a life with him, trying to tell him that he was enough for her.

He savored her taste on his lips, knowing that this might be the only time she will be in his arms like this.

Neither of them had ever felt anything like this before. They knew this was it for both of them. There could never be another kiss quite like this one.

Slowly they pulled apart from each other and stared into the other’s eyes. They knew that this was ending but were both trying to hold onto this moment. Wishing they could stay here. Cursing the world for unfairly binding them apart.

Reluctantly, Rey pulled her hand from his. Ben unwound his arm from her waist. This home they had made for each other dissipating slowly.

Closing their eyes, leaning their heads together once more. The warmth began to fade, Rey unwillingly accepting the cold and loneliness that followed.

Opening her eyes, Rey found that she was alone once more, without the one person who could understand her. She rose to her feet, the tears on her face had dried.

As she moved toward the door, her foot brushed something on the ground. _His cape._ Rey bent down slowly, running her fingers through the fabric. She knew that keeping it was a bad idea, but it was all she had of him. Folding the garment up, she pressed it to her cheek.

After a few seconds, Rey tucked the fabric under her arm and reluctantly moved toward the door.

Her hand braced the wall, already missing his body pressed flush to hers. Knowing that their moment had passed, Rey took an unsteady breath. She gripped the handle to the door with the hand that had just been wound with his. Replaying their moment in her mind she preserved it in a place only they could find.

Taking one last shaky breath to gather her strength, she pushed him and the life the world so cruelly kept from them out of her mind. She would rejoin the Resistance as well as her place opposite him in the war. Hoping that a day would come where they would have time together with time to spare. Someday to finally live, and just be.


End file.
